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Dear Abby: Apologize anyway!
By Lauren | January 7, 2009
Yesterday’s “Dear Abby” column recognized an important but painful truth about apologies. Titled “Words Can Inflict Wounds No Apology Can Fully Cure,” the column was devoted to stories about situations where people had said or done something dreadful then apologized for it, but the apology didn’t entirely restore the relationship. The point was that, even if an apology is delivered and accepted, an injured person may be unable or unwilling to reconcile with the person who inflicted the injury.
Abby and her readers have a valid point. Just because someone offers an apology doesn’t mean that it has to be accepted, a disconcerting thought for anyone who thinks a quick and superficial “I’m sorry” is all it takes to excuse even the worst behavior. Nor does accepting an apology mean that the injured person is obliged to return to the relationship and behave as though nothing bad ever happened. When trust is seriously damaged it takes time and patience to restore it, and there can be lasting scars.
What Abby’s column didn’t address, however, is that is that it’s almost impossible to restore trust unless an apology is offered, whether it’s accepted or not. Also, in situations where a lot of damage was done, a single apology may not be enough to rebuild a relationship, but a second, third or even fourth apology may do the job. Too many people put off apologizing for their mistakes because they’re afraid their apologies won’t be accepted. But if an apology is owed, making the apology is the right thing to do and holding back out of fear of rejection just inflicts a second injury.
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are serious enough to do permanent damage. It can be scary to apologize, and making an apology doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. But if you don’t make the attempt, you can kiss the hope of reconciliation goodbye.
To read the column, visit http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20090106.
Topics: Apologies, Personal Ethics, ethics |
January 7th, 2009 at 10:58 am
You said it Lauren, we are all human and make mistakes.
I love Dear Abby and although I have not yet seen the particular column to which you refer, from your description, it does sound as though she has a valid point.
That said, you are spot on with regards to your point about making the apology anyway. If a relationship is damaged or broken, and you are the one primarily at fault, then you have nothing to lose by attempting a sincere apology.
True, the relationship may be beyond repair, but you never know whether or not something is beyond repair unless a decent repair job is attempted.