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Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle talk apologies in their “New Earth” web series
By Lauren | April 30, 2008
For someone who’s particularly interested in the topic of when and how to make an effective apology (I wouldn’t have written a book about it if I wasn’t), it was particularly exciting to see Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle respond to questions about apologies in last night’s segment of their “New Earth” web series. The series presents New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, Tolle’s latest consciousness-raising book that has taken Winfrey’s worldwide audience by storm. (If you want to learn more about the Webcasts or watch past chapters, visit www.oprah.com for more information; there’s a lot of great material there, and you can watch all of the past Webcasts online.)
The topic of apologies came up last night when a viewer expressed her dismay that, while she always apologizes when she feels she’s done something wrong, she doesn’t always receive apologies from people whom she thinks have injured her. Winfrey and Tolle were quick (and correct) to point out that the viewer’s comments stemmed at least in part from a bruised ego, and used the question as an opportunity to point out that whenever one can watch the ego acting up, the moment becomes an opportunity for enlightenment. All very Zen, and very good stuff.
Tolle also observed that people fail to apologize for a variety of reasons: they don’t realize they need to, they perceive events differently and feel injured themselves, or their egos feel that admitting to error would cost something vital. All very good points but, in my opinion, incomplete. Sometimes, people don’t apologize because they don’t know what to say, they’re afraid of making things worse, or they think it’ll be “safest” to just let the bad feelings blow over. It’s not pride, but insecurity, that keeps these folks from saying they’re sorry when they probably wish they could.
As I listened to the viewer, one thought kept coming to mind for me. If you think someone owes you an apology, why not (gently) ask for it? And if you know you owe someone an apology, or that making an apology would probably improve matters between you and someone else, why not get to it? Free discussion of hurt feelings and regrets create the opportunity for forgiveness and healing, which may be the most enlightening experience one can have.
And, for more information about my soon-to-be released book, The Art of the Apology: How to Apologize Effectively to Practically Anyone, go to www.artoftheapology.com. I’ll be telling you more about the book soon!
Topics: Apologies |